Mr Bean as banker/Britische Banken von Mr. Bean verwaltet

Business owners try (successfully) to stave off being wound up:

‘It aint our fault, the stoopid court froze the bank account so we cuddent pay the stoopid bill could we, but we done it today some’ow like’

The other director chipped in ‘Yeah, our account is managed by the banking equivalent of Mr Bean’

Everyone looked at the judge. Possibly because these two guys looked as if they meant business and would beat up anyone who would disagree with them.

The judge looked up ‘I am afraid that you will find that the whole British banking system is being run by the equivalent of Mr Bean!’

From an entry about winding up day at the law courts in London by Swiss Tony.

Another entry on the same topic by Paranoid Pupil.

German language not romantic/Mosley spricht “Deutsch”

Max Mosley is suing the News of the World for breach of privacy. They clandestinely filmed him in a sado-masochistic party.
Mosley denies that it had a Nazi theme.

However, it has come out that he was speaking German, also referred to as ‘cod German’.

The Scotsman reports:

MOTOR racing chief Max Mosley told the High Court that he spoke German during a sado-masochistic session with five women because the “harsh-sounding” language suited his dominant role. … He said that the role-play “prison” scenario, which is at the centre of his breach of privacy action against the News of the World, involved him and woman B, a fellow German speaker, being dominant to submissive characters who could not understand them.

“German also somehow sounds appropriate for a bossy dominant character. It is a harsh-sounding – rather than a romantic – language.”

One wonders what his German sounded like:

He said that if he had asked for a Nazi theme, he would have been deeply disappointed to be greeted, as he was, with the phrase “Welcome to Chelsea” rather than “Brandenburg Tur”.

Asked about his speaking “cod German as though he was in a poor World War Two movie”, he said it had nothing to do with the war.

(via Schifo at www.flefo.org)

LATER NOTE: as indicated in the comments, Mosley spent 2 years from the age of 13 (his first regular schooling) at a school in Stein an der Traun (Wikipedia), so at least at the age of 15 he spoke fluent German.

According to the Independent of July 10:

The editor agreed with the suggestion of Mr Mosley’s QC that “in fairness it might have been instructive to have had [the video of the orgy] translated by a German speaker”, after the paper alleged the S&M session had a concentration camp theme.

The editor admitted that no one with knowledge of German watched the video before the paper went to press. This was despite the fact that one of the scenarios featured in the video – which the paper claimed was recreating a concentration camp scene – was conducted mostly in German.

LATER NOTE: Mosley won the case – see later entry.

British blood refused/Britische Blutspende abgelehnt

John Flood, temporarily at Miami Law School, tries to give blood:

I hand in the forms and a moment later the medic looks glum. Was it because I’d admitted to taking an aspirin that morning? No.

“I have to reject you,” he said. “You’ve been in the UK.”

“So? I come from there.”

“It’s because of ‘mad cow disease’. We can’t risk you.”

LATER NOTE: the Wikipedia entry on Creutzfeldt-Jacob disease has more details of the dangers, and information on bans on blood donors in other countries – Australia, Singapore, Canada, Denmark, Switzerland. In the UK, blood donors may not include those who have had a blood transfusion since 1980:

In 2004 a new report published in the Lancet medical journal showed that vCJD can be transmitted by blood transfusions.[19] The finding alarmed healthcare officials because a large epidemic of the disease might arise in the near future. There is no test to determine if a blood donor is infected and in the latent phase of vCJD. In reaction to this report, the British government banned anyone who had received a blood transfusion since January 1980 from donating blood.

Details of McCartney-Mills divorce/Details der McCartney-Mills-Scheidung

Yesterday’s judgment in the Paul McCartney – Heather Mills McCartney divorce has been released in full. Both the Guardian and the Independent have the full text online, and no doubt they are not alone.

There hasn’t yet been a divorce. Both parties have agreed to wait until after May 1, when they will have been separated for two years and can therefore base their divorce on the fact of separation rather than ‘unreasonable’ behaviour.

This judgment relates to the ancillary proceedings for maintenance pending divorce and for property arrangements. The English courts can decide themselves what is a fair division of property, guided by statute and precedent.

The husband’s case on financial provision for the wife is summarised at paragraph 9 of the opening note of Mr Mostyn QC as follows:
“We submit that fundamentally this is a straightforward case. Because of H’s enormous pre-marital wealth and because of the brief duration of this marriage W’s claim should be determined by reference to the principle of need alone. This is not a case where the principle of sharing of the “marital acquest” is engaged at all. Nor is it a case where the principle of compensation will arise. W’s needs fall to be fairly assessed, not predominantly by reference to the standard of living during the marriage. W’s award should be reduced to reflect her postseparation misconduct. That misconduct is based on three distinct episodes as explained in our Conduct Note.”

Heather Mills McCartney’s case was harder to summarize. She argued inter alia that she was wealthy when she met her future husband and gave up a lucrative career for his sake; he advised her against taking on job offers:

Countless lucrative business opportunities were made to me once Paul and I married. Sadly, Paul advised against 99% of all of them. He stated that they were only interested in me because of his name and that I should just stick to charity work and he would take car of me. When I was asked to design clothes, create a food line, write books, make a video, write music or do photography, Paul would almost always state something like “Oh no you can’t do that, Stella does that or Mary does that or Heather (his adopted daughter) used to do that or Linda did that.” even though I had been involved with fashion and modelling for years.

There is much more.

The Guardian reports that Mills confirmed to the press that she had poured a jug of water over Fiona Shackleton:

Mills also confirmed reports that she had poured water on Sir Paul’s lawyer, Fiona Shackleton. Mills said she approached the lawyer and said: “I’m not a loser” before tipping the water jug over her.

“I poured the whole jug of water on her head. I was very calm”, she said.

The Chav Nativity

The Chav Nativity – picture and text at Charon QC

Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their heads. They’re like ‘Respect, bay-bee Jesus’, an’ say they’re wise men from the East End.
Joe goes: ‘If you’re so wise, wotchoo doin’ wiv this Frankenstein an’ myrrh?
Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?’

A Google image search reveals others.